This is so not safe
by Alix Winchester
Summary: Is pranking the skeleton detective really such a smart thing to do? Or attenpting to fly from the height of a thirty story building? Or mocking a vampire? You'd think no one would have survived any of these, but you haven't met Valkyrie Cain and her young super fans, Alice Edgely and Ivy Cain. (Cancelled)
1. Grace Kelly

**Okay, i was using google images and some famous names when i thought of grace kelly. After staring at her picture for a moment i thought of this. This, like pretty much all of my fanfictions includes my character Abby/ Ivy and her friends Alice (Valkyries little sister all grown up aka thirteen-fourteen) They are mainly starred in my first fanfic the battle has just begun. i had to put them in here because they are super trouble makers and it's fun to frustrate Skulduggery. :) (Btw i may not have mentioned this in my original fan fic yet bu Ivy's full name would be ivory cain. i will bring it up eventually.)**

After a long, _long_ boring meeting at the sanctuary Skulduggery returned to his home in his precious Bentley and adjusted the angle of his precious hat. he locked the car and walked inside. He checked the girls' rooms and found no one was here. He entered his room, (pretty much a private lounge) and froze. He was wrong, the girls had obviouly been here. All across the four walls small and large pictures of Grace kelly covered every inch. It was obviously something all three would do together but he knew quite accurately who had planned this. He turned, entered the main lounge and looked around a moment. "IVORY CAIN I WILL FIND YOU!" he shouted. he heard a muffeled scream upstairs followed by screaming from the whole trio. He headed swiftly up the stairs and entered Valkyrie's room. The window was open and he caught a glance of valkyrie slipping out last. He followed her as she ran, entering the forest nearby. he quickly lost her and returned to the house realizing he had not seen the other girls. As he was about to enter the house he heard laughing above him. He stepped back and saw the young girls on his rooftop. Their laughter at not being noticed quickly turned to more screaming and he entered the house and climbed out one of the top floor windows. Of course they were gone. He walked over to the other side of the roof and saw the window close. Soon after that he heard the window he had climbed out of close and the latch was put in place.

He cursed himself quietly and got off the roof in time to see valkyrie entering the front door and then she locked it from the inside. he checked every door and window to find them all locked, oven the connecting garage. He sighed and sat on the doorstep. He had better things to do than break down his own door. They had to come out sometime. He mentally smiled as he thought about his currently empty cupboard.


	2. Grace Kelly part 2

Ivy couldn't stop grinning. Alice snapped her fingers in her face. "Excuse me?" she demanded. "We are trapped inside this house with no food and there is a murderous skeleton outside plotting to kill us." Ivy burst out laughing and Alice and Valkyrie exchanged glances. "Umm" Valkyrie started. "What's so funny?" Ivy eventually calmed down and said, "If anyone else heard that you would sound insane." Alice sighed. "Can we just make a plan for how to survive 'till tomorrow?" "Sure" Ivy said. She got up from the lounge and headed to the kitchen. It was the room furthest away from the front door. "Valkyrie." She began. "You watch the door, make sure he doesn't leave and Alice and I will exit this window. Then we will both watch either side of the house while you leave this window. After that we'll have to walk back to Valkyrie's house maybe and stay there until Skulduggery gets in, takes the pictures down and forgives us." The sisters just stared at her. Valkyrie eventually regained her composure. "That's, acctually not too bad an idea." "Exactly, it's awesome cuz it's mine." "and she's back" Alice muttered. Ivy rolled her eyes. "Val, door" She nodded and they began the plan.

 _Thirty minutes later._

The girls were running in the woods. Alice looked back. "Hey guys" She called. "Slow down, i think he's gone." The trio slowed and stood, panting. "Great plan" Valkyrie muttered. "Maybe next time you can come up with one that doesn't almost lead to out deaths." Ivy glared. Well at least he's gone now and we're out of his deathtrap house." "Whatever" Alice panted. "let's just agree that we had a chance of dying either way and we should keep walking. Agreed?" The others nodded. "Agreed" "Agreed"

 _Will these courageous girls make it back home? Will the skeleton find them? Will they live to prank him again. Sorry to say you'll never find out. :)_


	3. Flying practice

Valkyrie grinned. "You ready for this?" "NO!" Alice screamed, but was ignored. Ivy returned the grin. "Definitely" "Don't you dare!" Alice shouted at them. "You'll get your selves killed!" Ivy glanced down the tall building they were standing atop of, all thirty-three storeys of it. "Don't worry." Valkyrie told her sister. "If we fail at flying we at least know how to not go splat." Ivy nodded. "And we're too awesome to die" "That too" Alice sighed and face-palmed. "Guys, when you told me we were going sight seeing in Melbourne, i didn't think you meant the last sight you'd ever see from a thirty storey building." "You stay here then," Valkyrie told her. "Take the elevator and meet us at the bottom." "What if someone sees you?" "We're dropping into the ally way." "Like thats gonna help" Alice mumbled. Ivy grinned again, "That's the spirit." They turned and peered off the edge as Alice made her way to the elevator. "Ready?" Ivy asked. Valkyrie nodded and they joined hands. "Ready." They stepped back, took a deep breath and ran at the edge.

They jumped.

The wind rushed around them as they approached the ground. Ivy tried her best to work the air, to fly or at least hover or stop. Nothing happened. Ivy paniked and looked around, Valkyrie was in the same predicament. Ivy called out to her but the wind whipped her words away. The ground came closer and Ivy pulled at the air to get closer to Valkyrie. She suddenly looked up and began doing the same, they got closer and their hands touched and they pulled together...

They suddenly stopped falling and Ivy assumed she was dead. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was about a foot from the ground and Alice was standing next to them. "You guys are idiots." She mumbled, shaking her head. Ivy then realised what had been keeping her up. skulduggery Pleasant stood behind Alice looking incredibly embarrased. "I leave you alone for two minutes..." he muttered. "Actually" Ivy corrected. "It was about ten minutes." He dropped them and they landed softly on their feet. "Let's go" he told them. "Before you come up with another amazing idea to kill yourselves."


	4. Risking our lives for nothing

Ivy had an idea. Whenever this happened, it was usually the kind of idea she had that ends in Skulduggery trying to kill them and the trio just escaping. For some reason however, her friends kept agreeing. Until now. Ivy had to bring in Fletcher, ready to teleport them to safety for them to argree. But, like always, the plan failed as skulduggery returned home early. Fletcher left and the trio could do nothing but hope for the best and prepare for the worst

 _Ten minutes earlier_

"Ivy this is really not safe." "So?" Alice scowled. "Valkyrie, tell her she is risking our lives for nothing." Valkyrie nodded and turned to Ivy. "Ivy you are risking our lives for the funniest thing in the world." Alice scowled again and Ivy grinned. "But we are still going to die." Ivy sighed But fletcher seemed very amused. "Fine, Alice you can tell him you tried to stop me but failed and he may not kill you." Alice glared at her friend. "Thanks" she muttered sarcasticly. "Just get it over with then so we can get to safety." Ivy grinned picking up the can of pink spray paint. She shook the bottle and approached the Bentley menacingly. She began to spray and The girls behind her gasped. Ivy turned. "What?" Valkyrie gaped at her. "I- I didn't think you were actually going to- going to do it." "Your dead" Alice shook her head. "Literally this time." Ivy laughed. "Like he's going to kill me. " Alice sighed. "Just because you help with his cases doesn't mean he won't think he can do them himself. He is going to kill us all." The garage door began to open and fletcher left immediantly. Ivy haistily picked up the black spray can and painted over the pink. She threw the cans away and the girls bolted into the house.

Skulduggery looked around and after deciding that the trio had not harmed his car while he was gone, he headed into the house, locking the garage door behind him. He found Ivy and Alice watching Supernatural in the lounge and Valkyrie reading one of her uncles books in the corner. Ivy was lying upside down hanging off the couch, usually a sign that she had been there a while. Skulduggery walked over to Valkyrie and tilted his head. "Good book?" she nodded, not looking up. "Whats happening?' Valkyrie shrugged. "People dyeing, you know, gordon stuff." Skulduggery nodded. "Cool. well you must be a great reader, being able to read an upside down book like that." Valkyrie Suddenly realised she had been holding the book upside down and flipped it right way up. "Just wanted to see if i could." She laughed unconvincingly. Skulduggery nodded and turned to the other girls.

"You like this show don't you?" They nodded. "What season are you watching?" "Season four" Skulduggery picked up a cover off the coffee table and opened it. "Intresting. Because this is actually season two." Ivy looked up at the cover in his hands and at Alice. "I told you to put on season four!" "No you didn't! you just said put it on!" "And that means put on something two seasons back?" "Well i couldn't find season four! It wasn't in the DVD cupboard!" "It was on top of the DVD cupboard! We watched it yesterday!" Alice froze "Really?" "Yes" Everyone fell silent and Ivy paused the TV.

"So, anything intresting happen while i was gone?" "No" three said immediantly. He nodded and left. They sighed. "Any chance he saw any wet paint?" Valkyrie asked. Ivy shook her head. "We would be dead."

 _the next day_

The girls followed Skulduggery to the bentley and hoped nothing would happen. Skulduggery went to open his door and black paint flaked off. He tilted his head and rubbed his hand over the door. The black paint Fell revealing the flaking pink layer beneath. Skulduggery realised what had happened. He turned to the empty garage. "IVORY CAIN I WILL FIND YOU!"


	5. (Authors note) Cancelled

I'm so sorry to those who read and enjoy this fanfic and i am especially sorry to any of those who think this will be another chapter and gets exited because you haven't seen one in a while. I'm am going to have to tell you that i am cancelling this fanfic because i have been moving on from Skulduggery Pleasant, if any of my reader like the show Supernatural you can check out my supernatural fan fic but that will probably not be updated either until december. My sencere apoligies to those who spent so long reading these and supporting me, i had so many plans for this fic but i don't enjoy writing these as much as i used to.

Thanks for understanding.

-Iris


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